It’s That Time of Year Again
It’s that time again.
The little knot in your stomach is forming with the start of the new school year, and you are watching various Instagram videos on the top tips for your kid having a great year.
Here’s my number one tip - resolve to stay calm.
School problems often result in a great deal of tension, anxiety, and all-around parental teeth-gnashing. Most of it is unproductive.
As an alternative to the yelling and all of the reactive stress with your child, practice a different style of talking that puts responsibility where it belongs - on your child.
This style involves speaking in more direct, matter-of-fact tones. Effectively, this approach would be more objective and less reactive in the tone and way in which the message is delivered.
Let’s look in on a mom speaking to her 8-year-old son Lucas, as she sits her son down. Note, that she is being direct and eminently clear. She is putting the responsibility on Lucas.
“Lucas, last there was a lot of arguing and complaining about school and getting work done. All you wanted to do was play video games. This year, I’m not going to argue about any of it. Completing your work is your choice. But, here’s the deal. If you choose not to complete your work, I will write a note to your teacher explaining what you chose. In addition, there will be no video games or screens for a number of days until you choose differently. It’s totally up to you. If you need help with anything, that’s fine, but it’s your decision to ask me for it.”
That’s it. Lucas was stunned by her clarity and lack of emotion. Maybe she really did finally mean business.
So, this year, resolve to stop the yelling, and calmly put responsibility where it belongs.
Takeaway Point
Much of what goes on in households with children can be handled in more black and white tones. One key is not to be overly invested in the outcome. In the situation above, the parent needs to be okay with leaving the choice up to the child. Keep repeating to yourself, “It’s their choice…It’s their choice.”
