Modern Childhood

Recently I talked to you about the delusion of the modern American (male) child and their fundamental inability to face pain (Delusions of the Modern American Boy ).

Not wanting to be redundant (hey, I’ve written nearly 350 blog posts over 10 years so it’s hard not to be redundant), but I find myself focusing, once again, on the delusions of the modern boy, as I see so many kids who seem to fit this description.

They have no sense of the law of averages (or reality).

Somehow they have gotten the notion that school should be this Candyland type of experience and when it is not, they are, well,…outraged.

I mean really outraged (with an emphasis on the “raged”).

15 year old Kyle was offering a litany of complaints about the horror of a class that he was failing when I stopped him mid-sentence and said something like the following:

“Wait!   Stop.  I can’t listen anymore.  You’re delusional…when was school ever fun? Since at least the 1600’s school has always been a pain in the rear end (said differently), so why should it be any different now.”

I asked Kyle to translate to see if he understood what I was saying to him.

He says, “School sucks and it always sucked.”

“Brilliant analysis,” I tell him.

Laughing he continues to tell me the horror of his teacher and why the class that he was in was so terrible, trying to convince me that all of his problems were due to the teacher and the way he ran the class.

Again, I stop him mid-sentence.

“Listen, a bunch of years ago I worked in an athletic shoe store in NYC and I started to complain about something to the owner of the store.  The boss listened patiently and then said the following:  ‘I’m going to tell it to you once – stop your complaining.  Here’s how it works. I got the gold – I make the rules.’”

That zipped me up pretty quickly.

I ask Kyle how that applies to him and his complaints about the classroom.

He says, “I’m not in charge.  I’m not the boss.  I should just shut up.”

“Brilliant again!!!!!!!!!!”   I scream with total glee.

From middle school through high school, kids will have about five or six teachers.  The law of averages (and the bell-shaped curve) tells us that one will be very good.  Two will be mediocre.  One will be fair and one will be poor.  It’s just the way it is.

Takeaway Point

There’s a built-in hierarchy to school (and much in life) that needs to be faced.  Helping kids understand the “law of averages” is an important step in the process of getting them over the school hurdles they face.

Copyright, 2018 www.shutdownlearner.com
Questions or topics email Dr. Selznick.  Not in the South Jersey area? For a free 15 Minute Consultation, contact Dr. Selznick: email – rselznick615@gmail.com

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A number of years ago, I was complaining to my dad about something to do with work.  Never one to mince words, my dad said something that always stayed with me – “That’s why they call it ‘work,’ Richard.  They don’t call it ‘play.’”

Modern children (typically boys between the ages of 6 – 14) need a variation on this lesson.

Reports from the parent front are quite frequent about their boys having full-blown meltdowns over homework on a nightly, or at least a regular basis.  Becoming the norm with this age group are full-blown screaming fits at parents, with statements like “I hate you…I wish you were dead,” while the child rolls around on the floor or storms around the house.

Why?  Because their parents are asking them to do their  homework, effectively cutting in to their screen time on YouTube and their video games?

These meltdowns are followed by a remarkable period of calm, where maybe 10 minutes after the meltdown no one could tell the child had just had a meltdown while the child “cools down” back on a screen.

Hmmmm….

I know.  I know.  Many of you will quickly fall to neurological explanations of the meltdowns, such as sensory integration disorders or other explanations (see my last week’s blog: https://shutdownlearner.com/our-neurological-explanations-of-everything).

However, my sense of the modern boy is they are….

delusional.

I’m not suggesting that the delusion represents a serious psychological pathology, but that their delusion is like my complaining to my dad – “It’s not called play, Richard” – in that they are deluded in their thinking that homework and school are supposed to be easy and fun.

Seriously, when was homework or school ever fun?

We (collectively) are to blame – parents and educators alike.  Somehow we have supported this notion that there is to be no discomfort or pain while doing work.

Sure, in an ideal world school and homework should be these enlightening and invigorating learning experiences that are also “fun,” but in truth the average homework assignment is a stultifying worksheet that is at best, one degree north of being a total drag.

But, here’s the thing, that’s why it’s called homework.  It’s a tool that theoretically reinforces a learned skill, but in truth is a way that kids indirectly learn to meet deadlines, tolerate frustration, and put their stuff away in folders to hand in the next day.

If that is not something that you buy into for your child, as some of you do not, then it means you need to find a very alternative school experience or create the “Matthew School” or the “Liam School. (or whatever the child’s name is).”

What I am saying as my dad said to me years ago, was there are certain realities that we need to face, starting around the age of six.

Modern kids are wired for pleasure.  Even if you think you are limiting the child’s screen predilections, trust me they are beating you and having about 95% pleasure to 5% pain each day.  That’s a lopsided ratio and it is not allowing your child to develop a thicker skin to work through their frustration.

When asked to face some pain, such as homework or schoolwork they are delusional.

Takeaway Point

“That’s why they call it “work,” Richard.

                                                                                          “Almost heaven, West Virginia
Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River”

                                                                                                                       John Denver, “Country Roads”

Among my fondest memories from  my Staten Island childhood are sports memories.  These memories includes my being a quarterback, wide receiver and defensive end.  Yep, I played all three of those positions.

It’s not what you think, though.  I never played one game of organized football, not even youth football.  But, boy, did I have a great time as a football player.

The football that I am talking about involved three, maybe four kids out on the street.  When three of us played someone was designated to be the “official quarterback,” that is he was assigned to be the quarterback on both sides.

The quarterback would set the play. (“Go 15 yards straight, give a head fake left, then head to the fire hydrant on the right and I will hit you just before the sidewalk.”)

There were no parents cheering for us or telling us how wonderful we were and what great football players we would become. In fact nobody ever watched us play.  Nonetheless, we all thought we were heading to the NFL.

On a given Saturday, we would probably played all day, except for the annoying intrusion of having to go inside to eat a bologna sandwich on white bread (maybe with a slice of American cheese) when your mother called you in for a lunch that was wolfed down in seven minutes before heading back out.

It was heaven.

What started me on this nostalgic reverie was last Sunday night, the first night of Daylight Savings Time.  The sun was going down pretty early.  As I was taking the trash out what caught my eye were a couple of the neighbor’s kids throwing a football out on the street and looking like they were having a great time.

They vaguely knew me (you know how it is with neighbor’s kids these days), but I decided to risk it and go up to them to start throwing the football around. Before long we were playing for real.  I was the official quarterback.   We were setting plays and the three of us were in a game.

When a pass was completed, a touchdown made, there was exhilaration.

The kids loved it.  They played until the darkness set in.

Afterward I couldn’t help reflect on the kids and how unusual it is to see this type of play.

As I interact with children daily, I will often ask them to track me through their days.  How do they spend their time?

Except for some type of organized activity (you know, the obligatory karate or soccer), without fail the bulk of their “activity” is in their basement or family room.

The nostalgic play that I think about from childhood (and Sunday night) had key elements that seem missing in this day and age.  Some of these include:

• Imagination
• Live, interactive fun
• Lots of physical activity
• Arguing (yes, we argued a lot, but we worked it out) and learning to negotiate

Today, it seems all so controlled and if it’s not controlled, it’s controlled by a screen.   Perhaps it has a couple of those above elements, but I don’t think so.

Takeaway Point

I hope those kids are playing next Sunday afternoon.  Maybe I can hit one deep in the end zone.  It will be heavenly.

Copyright, 2018 www.shutdownlearner.com
Not in the South Jersey area? For a free 15 Minute Consultation, contact Dr. Selznick: email – rselznick615@gmail.com
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Questions or topics that you want covered in future blogs, send email to: rselznick615@gmail.com

Lately, I’ve had a run on “meltdowny” kids.

I know “meltdowny” is not a word, but I bet you get it. These are the ones who without a lot of provocation have a wild storm of a fit. Often it’s tied in to something like homework or anything related to the demands of school.

I’m not sure why, but there seem to be a lot more of them these days.

When I asked a child about it recently, he explained to me about his homework reactions, “It’s just not fun,” he plaintively told me.
“It’s so boring – It’ just not fun.”

I joked with him (sort of), “Hey, it was never fun. It’s school!”

I’m not sure he was buying it.

“Homework is boring…”

Somewhere along the line kids seem to have gotten the idea that school and homework are supposed to be fun, enjoyable activities that will ignite motivation for learning. Most of the homework that I’ve seen consist of packets to complete, with worksheet after worksheet in the packets.

The worksheets never look like much fun to me. But, then, again they never were.

Perhaps it was the “Boomer” generation in their post-hippie period era of raising children who may started the notion that homework could be more of an “experience” for the children, something more than the usual.

The current generation of parents has just taken that “homework-should-be-a-positive-experience” to an art form, in terms of their hopes as to how homework should go each night.

Inherent in homework is the value of teaching kids to manage their stuff, organize themselves, meet deadlines, and, oh yeah, to reinforce a few skills along the way. Keeping these in mind, it seems there is a value to homework. You can try and help your child as best you can, but sometimes the information can go beyond your knowledge, especially as they progress into secondary school and college. There are resources out there to help deal with specific subjects, like psychology, medical science, and computer science. For example, if your child struggles with coding in their computer science course, you can use professional companies like Do My Coding to give you both a helping hand.

Probably since the Colonial times, kids have detested homework. They always have. Think about it. Has there ever been a child in the history of American education who raised his/her had at the end of the day to ask the teacher if she could, “Please give an extra hour or two of homework tonight or more on the weekend.”

Why have Saturdays always been beloved? Easy. No one is bugging you to get stuff done. No homework.

Dealing with child meltdowns over homework

So, the next time your child starts heading toward a meltdown about homework that’s, “no fun and so boring,” while engaging in every possible maneuver to get out of doing it, shrug your shoulders, stay calm, and have a ready response such as, “That’s right, honey, it’s called ‘homework.’ They don’t call it ‘homefun.'”

If your child persists with raising his meltdown to another level of intensity, just go about your business. You know, take out the trash; do the dishes – anything to disengage and the storm will pass.

After the meltdown (storm) is over and the child resets, come back to your child without the usual parental add-ons such as yelling and punishing and say, “Are you ready to start now?”

It’s a meltdown – a form of a storm and they pass.

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Copyright, 2018 www.shutdownlearner.com
Not in the South Jersey area? For a free 15 Minute Consultation, contact Dr. Selznick: email – contact@shutdownlearner.com.
To receive free newsletter and updates, go to: www.shutdownlearner.com.

Questions or topics that you want covered in future blogs, send email to: contact@shutdownlearner.com

Wow!  I just found out that I’ve just reached my ninth anniversary of writing these blogs.  The first one was published on 6/24/2009  (2009 Blog Post).  Time does fly.

Having written nearly 320 of these posts, I do my best to try to keep things fresh, but I know there are some themes that reemerge. While no one has complained to me (at least not to my face) about that, I apologize if there is a certain repetitive beating of drum.

With that apology out of the way, I can go back to one of my favorite ongoing drumbeats (or to use my wife’s description – “You’re like a dog with a bone.”)

This week’s, theme, one that I’ve hit upon in many different permutations, has to do with the tendency to offer unitary explanations of complex kid issues (e.g., the “diagnosis” of ADHD explaining everything.)

I was prompted to respond to an article that appeared  www.understood.org  with the title: ““Is ADHD Real?” How I Respond When People Doubt ADHD.”

Now I don’t doubt the veracity of ADHD’s existence, but this is what I said as a comment to the article:

DrSelz New Jersey 2 days ago

As a practitioner in the field, for me the issue is not whether ADHD is real or not, but the casual way that ADHD is “diagnosed,” with very little consideration for alternative hypotheses that explain off-task behavior, distractibility, etc. It is a very rare parent who would be able to challenge an MD’s diagnosis that was based on very little else beyond history and a brief neurological screening. I would be much more comfortable with the “diagnosis” if there were a range of other tests that were part of the assessment. That’s not  likely to happen, since insurance companies don’t typically pay on these tests. Richard Selznick, Ph.D. 

Take Bethany, an 8^th grader who is anxious and off-task a lot.  The school suggested to the mom that she was ADHD, so she took her to a physician who diagnosed her with ADHD after about 20 minutes and a brief review of the history.

The mom wasn’t satisfied with the explanation and the approach of “let’s get her on medication” as the top strategy, so she brought her in to be assessed more thoroughly.

Wouldn’t you know it, upon testing her there was a whole lot more in her “pie-chart” than the one factor explanation of “ADHD.”

While there was probably ADHD  in the mix, there were also clear indicators that Bethany was having great trouble understanding what she was reading starting around the fourth grade level (the point where the text usually gets pretty tough).  She had virtually no capacity to answer questions involving inferential thinking and she also was overwhelmed when presented with too much language to “process.”

For Bethany she was confused.  Imagine going to a lecture that was 40% in English, but the rest was in nonsensical gibberish.  Perhaps you might get some of the concepts, but most of it would be passing you by.  How would you feel?  How would you behave?

Right!  Confused, Anxious and distracted.

Takeaway Point

After 9 years of writing these things, relative to moving us away from one-factor explanations of children the drum beat goes on and I’m still a “dog with a bone,”(Yes, I know I am mixing metaphors, but I am looking for you to laugh and it’s the only way I can think to make that happen at the moment!).——————————————————————-

Copyright, 2018 www.shutdownlearner.com

Not in the South Jersey area? For a free 15 Minute Consultation, contact Dr. Selznick: email – contact@shutdownlearner.com.

To receive free newsletter and updates, go to: www.shutdownlearner.com.

One of my favorite kids, Sam, came in to see me this week.

Nearly six and going into first grade in the fall, I’ve been tracking Sam since he was three. Sam’s had issues with “behavioral self-regulation,” as the mental health professionals might say. (In other words, he can’t keep his hands to himself.)

We chat about camp, which just started.  I ask him if him about his counselors.  He tells me that they are all boys except that one of them is a “girl who is in our bunk because of my anger issues.” (Apparently, Sam has a counselor who is primarily assigned to keep an eye on him.)

When he tells me that, I raise an inquisitive eyebrow and ask him, “Oh, yeah.  What are your anger issues?”

Shooting me a sly smile, he doesn’t have much of a response and just shrugs.  I encourage him to draw me his anger issues.  While Sam loves drawing, there’s not much content, maybe a superhero drawing or something.  I compliment him on his drawing.  He then tells me he’d like to be an architect one day.

I don’t know if Sam has anger issues.  I know he has loving parents and pretty good circumstances all around.

“Anger issues” are demanding child behavior

Look, I’m not dismissing that the idea that young kids can’t have “anger issues,” but there is a considerable percentage of kids like Sam who may not have anger issues, although it may look like they do in the way they behave and interact.

My interpretation of Sam’s “anger issues” is pretty simple – he’s angry when he doesn’t get what he wants (when he wants).  In other words, he finds “no” to be something he has trouble handling.  This can occur with other kids, his parents or teachers.

Sadly, so many of kids like Sam are put on medication pretty quickly without taking the time to understand them.

So many of the Sams of the world are quickly “diagnosed” as ADHD and really, who is going to be able to challenge that. The doctor’s word rules.

How to help children with anger issues

As we continue chatting, Sam tells me he calls his mother “stupid” sometimes. He knows it’s wrong, but he gets mad at her when she doesn’t indulge his every whim. (Of course he doesn’t tell me that, but that is what I piece together.)

I try and bring a dose of reality to his head. Making it clear that “he can’t always get what he wants.”

Sam listens (sort of).

I bring his mom in to join the chat.

It’s my theory that his mom needs to toughen her reserves, so she doesn’t give in to his “anger issues” (i.e., his demands).  He can have his moody reactions when he isn’t happy with what is happening at the moment, but he can’t lord over everyone as he tries to do.  She needs to say something to him like, “Sam you can be angry, but not insulting or obnoxious.  Until you pull it together, I don’t want to talk to you.  Let me know when you’re in a better mood.”

Takeaway Point

Don’t be so ready to assume that your kid has “anger issues” or is ADHD when he’s struggling  coping with the “No word.” Simpler explanations are often the best route for understanding your kid.

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Copyright, 2018 www.shutdownlearner.com

Not in the South Jersey area? For a free 15 Minute Consultation, contact Dr. Selznick: email – contact@shutdownlearner.com.

To receive free newsletter and updates, go to: www.shutdownlearner.com.

“Sometimes I wonder what I’m a gonna do
But there ain’t no cure for the summertime blues” (Eddie Cochran)

Summertime.  Remember how it used to feel.  The days were long. The sun came up and you were out all day until the waning light at the end of the day.  There were no teachers or parents bothering you. It was bliss.

Now, your child fantasizes about the summer too.  Similarly, he sees his days as hassle free.  The main difference is that the fantasy largely involves being in the basement (or wherever in the house) spending hours upon hours staring at Youtube on the iPad and playing Fortnite on the xBox.  (Picture a basement filled with cotton candy with no restrictions on the devouring.)

While I am reflecting on the state of childhood as we approach summer, something that has stuck in my side that in some ways has nothing to do with summer, but somehow seem connected  is the parade of kids I see who are unable to completely write their address, as well as their diminished sense of word awareness.

So, before your child goes off to his daily dose of summertime screen stupor, I offer two suggestions:

• Ask your child to write out his address. If he/she can’t do it fully (yes, including town and zip code count), then you need to carve out time and teach it to him and then he needs to practice it to mastery.  The summer will be a great time for your child to practice the skill of writing his address.

• In terms of increasing your child’s word awareness, go to store like Barnes & Nobles (I know, “how quaint”) and browse around the education section. Look for books with titles such as “The 500 Essential Words Your Fifth Grader” (or whatever grade) Should Know.”  Along with the exercises in the book, go way old school and have your child put 10 words a day on index cards (paper index cards that will go in a real box, not virtual ones).  On the back side of the card, your child can write the definition and  a simple drawn picture of the word.  Practice these words with your child to the point of mastery so that he knows the word and definition automatically.

Yes, you will get a lot of whining and teeth-gnashing as you insist on your child doing these in a daily ritual.

So be it.  Toughen your resolve.  Your child should know where he lives and what represents a complete address.  Vocabulary is the single best skill that can be developed to improve overall reading comprehension and writing skills, and will certainly add to your child’s cognitive development.

Yes, there are vocabulary “apps” and games that can be played and swiped on the iPad.  Don’t go there.  For one hour a day, before the child indulges himself with his screen cotton candy, set up the vocabulary/address practice hour.

If you don’t get decent attitude and motivation while engaging with these activities, then calmly put the iPad and the xBox controller in a locked safe (buy one if you don’t have one for symbolic purpose) – no yelling, no screaming, no punishing.

Just shrug and say, “It’s OK.  We will try and again tomorrow.  Hopefully, you’ll have a better attitude and you will have earned some of your screen time.  Until then the screens stay in the safe.”

 Takeaway Point

There is a seeming inevitability to the way your child will be indulging himself this summer.  Beat back the indulgences by practicing a couple of essential life skills like  knowing his address and increasing his vocabulary.

Beyond their level of development and maturity, kids are becoming preoccupied and exposed to far too much content than they can handle.

Childhood is becoming overwhelming.

What’s behind this?

It’s pretty clear.

Most of the kids I talk to have pretty unlimited access to Youtube.  From what I can tell, it’s one of their “go to” screen spots where they get a great deal of “content.”

Take Blake, a bright 10 year old, who is preoccupied with Youtube, going down endless rabbit holes, following his interests on anything that catches his attention.

As reported to me recently, Blake found himself watching a “comedian” who sings some type of song that focuses on suicide as a theme, somehow done comically.   (I’m sure it’s a laugh a minute.)

The problem is Blake is set off by the comedian’s song and starts to look at other Youtube videos on the topic and then he starts to wonder about the idea of suicide until he has worked himself into a full-blown lather of anxiety.

It wasn’t that Blake felt suicidal, but the topic captivated him to the point of preoccupation.

Sure, I could try and help Blake understand how his thoughts (cognitions) impact his moods and emotions and all of the ways that psychologists try and help kids deal with their emotions.

But, that’s not what I am thinking.

I am thinking about the state of childhood.

I am thinking Blake is 10. When I was 10 I don’t remember thinking about suicide as a topic.  For me, I was preoccupied with whether Batman was more powerful than Superman (in the comic books, I might add).  When not worrying about that we were playing a bunch of games outdoors, joyously free of any adult involvement.  (In fact, whole weekends would go by without adults telling us what to do at all or watching us play our games.)

I know. I know.  I can hear all of the critics now.  “Well, Richard, your childhood was just once removed from when Abe Lincoln was president.  Get over it. Times have changed.”

Look, I know times have changed. I have my own screen problems. In fact, as I write this on my lap top, the phone is close by like a pathetic security blanket, while the iPad is synching to my blue tooth speaker, keeping me maximally stimulated.

However, I am an adult.

While all of this technological content may be distracting and is probably not serving me well, I can handle it (mostly). If I watch a video on Youtube with questionable or disturbing content, it doesn’t result in a downward psychological spiral.

In contrast, I’m not so sure kids have the psychological reserve in their tank to handle the content they have ready access to.

Takeaway Point

We need to wake up.

I am concerned that childhood is being drained from them as we stand by helplessly, while our kids swipe and swipe on the iPads they got for Christmas or their fifth birthday.

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Not in the South Jersey area? For a free 15 Minute Consultation, contact Dr. Selznick: email – contact@shutdownlearner.com.

To receive free newsletter and updates, go to: www.shutdownlearner.com.

It’s fair to say that people are more addicted to their electronic devices than ever before. Gaming addiction is at a record level, Netflix is achieving its highest viewership levels, and as you can see from these Cell Phone Deal Statistics, the average daily app usage has been increasing for years.

Last week we discussed young Noah who was “raging” because things were not going so well for him on his video game and Logan who had logged in approximately 14,600 hours of screen time by the age of 15 (see, 14,600 Hours Logged In).

Reflecting on the current state of affairs brought me back, to a long time ago in a galaxy far away. Then, Saturdays were the best days of the week. Usually there was endless fun. No school. No parents. Playing touch football in the street (two on two or three on three), going to the local woods or church playground, studying Batman and Superman comic books, were the main activities. Sometimes we went inside and played ping-pong or ran aurora cars around a track. We built model planes with real model glue (and still no parents around to supervise)! Around noon we had to go home for five minutes to wolf down a lousy bologna sandwich (on white bread, mind you) that was waiting for us, before rushing out the door to go back to what we were doing.

“The Days Were Are Just Packed,” said the title of one of the Calvin & Hobbes cartoon books (boy do, I miss them). Indeed the days were just packed – eight plus hours of kid driven fun.

Now, Saturdays are either adult-engineered (e.g., soccer, karate or whatever) or if there is no adult steerage then the kid retreats to a day on Xbox (or its equivalent). Weather is irrelevant in the decision making. Sunny days don’t mean much in video land. Mind you, the Saturday of XBoxing is on top of the five or six hours from the night before.

If you are a parent under the age of 40 or so, my guess is your Saturdays were more like the latter description spent engaged with adult driven activities or some type of screen activity, so perhaps this type of day described doesn’t bother you that much.

The over 40’s are worried.

They should be.

Upon reading the 14,600 hour blog, a colleague sent me the results of a large study that showed teenagers who logged in five or more hours a day of screen time were at greater risk for depression and suicidal thoughts. It was speculated that their increased depression was related to their decreased sense of connection with others.

I wish I had the formula for you in terms of what to do about all of this. My best advice is that you need to set your values clearly.

When my son was young we would have what I call our talks, “another in the ongoing series of values clarification discussions.”

It was in those values clarification sit-downs where parental expectations were laid out. (By the way, they started around the age of six and continued right into college!)

Here’s an example that I would have with Logan the boy we discussed last week, said slowly and very measuredly:

“Logan, we need you to understand something (pause). Playing your Xbox is a privilege. It’s not required that we give you this privilege (big pause). We are required to feed you and provide shelter. Your mom and I pay the bill for Xbox and we let you have it. Right now, we feel that you are abusing the privilege and taking advantage of us (very big pause). We don’t like that. We are very unhappy about it. Here’s the deal. If you continue to abuse the privilege by playing 5 or so hours a day, then your mom and I are going to take a serious look at curbing this privilege. we don’t exactly know what that means at the moment, but we can tell you that your game playing will be cut way back or we will have to shut it down altogether. You need to think about it seriously. It’s your call.”

Think about it. If the kid at 17 is given the keys to the car and you find out he is abusing the privilege (e.g., driving recklessly, coming home past agreed upon times), what would you do?

Of course. You would curb the privilege. You might shut it down.

Abuse of screens is no different.

Takeaway Point

Food and shelter are requirements. The rest are privileges.

Time to start having your, “Ongoing Series of Values Clarification Discussions.”

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Not in the South Jersey area? For a free 15 Minute Consultation, contact Dr. Selznick: email – contact@shutdownlearner.com.

To receive free newsletter and updates, go to: www.shutdownlearner.com.

When you work with kids, you can’t help but reflect on the state of childhood, parenting, society and their intersection.

This week’s musing started with an article that I read talking about parents concerned about their children (i.e., boys) addiction to a video game called “Fortnite.” I had never heard of the game, but as it happened, I had a flow of teen age boys this week talking about their “gaming” habits who were able to schooling me about Fortnite and their daily reality..

Child number one, 14 year old Noah, told me how he was “raging” (kids are now using the term regularly as a verb fairly) when things were not going his way while playing a game. As it was told to me, he was losing a game and throwing his controller at the wall while cursing. His parents told me that they made some half-hearted attempts to tone down the “raging” but it wasn’t having much of an impact.

Noah explained his anger to me, admitting that he had screamed at his father to “F-Off” (said more explicitly than than that).

Listening to each side of the story I frequently feel like I am in the position of being the “People’s Court Judge” passing down a verdict.

With Noah I hadn’t declared him “guilty” until he got to the part of the part of the story where he told his father to “F-Off.”

The second child, Logan, age 15, was trying to tell me he wasn’t really addicted to playing video games.

“On average, how many hours do you play on video games each day,” I asked Logan.

“Maybe four or five,” Logan responded.

I got out my calculator. “Let’s see. So you told me you started playing when you were seven,” I said to him. “So, that’s 365 days a year multiplied by five hours a day over an eight year period. That comes to 14,600 hours of video games that you’ve played to date give or take a few hundred.”

Logan looked a bit stunned with that number. Of course, he had tried to reduce the number of hours played on games such as League of Legends by using a service known as unranked smurfs. These companies play your account for you, so you can reduce the amount of time you spend playing on the “boring” parts of the game. You might be interested in creating league of legends smurf accounts first before you get unranked smurfs to play for you. By creating this account for yourself you get to have way more fun with the game. But it’s up to you, if you don’t have the time to play then get someone else to play it for you. However, if you want to experience the game in it’s full glory then get a smurfs account for yourself. But be prepared for lack of sleep, if you’re wanting to play the game yourself and experience every part of it, you could use guide websites like Warcraft Tavern to help you through some of the harder obstacles within the game.

I continued. “If you factor in sleep, (we played with some more numbers and multiplied 8 hours of sleep over eight year period), you probably have played video games for about one fourth of your waking life from the age of five.”

While I am not a scientist and have not conducted a formal or valid research study, I can say with pretty good certainty that there isn’t one boy over the age of 10 who isn’t logging in significant hours on their screens.

When you include playing on the iPad, which most kids are starting to do around the age of four (or younger), then the numbers change dramatically.

Parents all the time that they are “limiting their child’s screen time.” I know. I know.

One last point. Of the 14,600 or so hours spent playing Fortnite, Minecraft, World of Warcraft, or whatever, that means they are not socializing or playing outside (quaint activities that children used to do). However, parents must also realize their kids aren’t just glued to their screen playing on their own, they could also be socializing thanks to the online multiplayer aspect of many of these popular games such as these Epic Minecraft Servers that allow Minecraft users to play online together, children may not be going outside to play with their friends, but they will be playing with their friends on their favorite gaming platform.

Takeaway Point

Take out your calculator and play with some numbers.

Like Logan, you will probably be stunned.

(Next week, we will build on this topic.)

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