In many households there are temperamentally rigid and inflexible children who cause a great deal of distress. With their limited coping skills, such children become quite volatile and reactive to frustration.
Jeff and Rose are the bleary eyed parents of three children. Their older two, ages eleven and nine are pretty flexible. Essentially, they go along with the program and are able to handle the curveballs that are thrown at them.
Not young Sophia, age seven, who almost always goes against the grain.
If the family is going in one direction, she wants to go the opposite way. If the family wants to go to McDonald’s, she wants Burger King. If the family wants to play a board game, she wants to do something else.
Additionally, when Sophia encounters even the slightest frustration or when parents say “no” to something, she has major meltdowns.
Two recent stories illustrate why her parents are so bleary eyed.
The other night while Jeff was helping Sophia with her homework, she insisted on writing a capital L in the middle of the word, even if a capital letter was not appropriate, such as in the word “fiLm.” Even though Jeff tried to correct her, Sophia refused the correction, becoming extremely agitated, screaming and crying when her father insisted that she change the letter in the word.
Another example was related to a change in the afternoon routine. Sophia was very used to her routine of being picked up and going straight home after school, where she then enjoyed watching her favorite television show and having a hot chocolate. This was the daily ritual.
But upon being picked up at school on a recent afternoon, Sophia’s mother informed her that they could not go home right away because they had to pick their dog up from the groomer. Sophia went ballistic, screaming and crying about missing her television show.
What to do? Sorry, there are no easy answers, but there are things to keep in mind.
Recognize that it is not all parenting and that there are children who are temperamentally rigid and inflexible. In the case of Sophia, there were two children before her who were flexible and easy-going who were essentially raised the same way.
Another thing to be wary of, is to not to readily fall to “disorder” thinking, as many practitioners will do. It’s simply too easy to “diagnose” Sophia as “ADHD” after completing a rating scale at the doctor’s office.
Finally, as difficult as it might be, try and not add fuel to the fire by reacting emotionally to a situation. Simple reactions given non-emotionally will let things play out.
With Sophia, a simple shrug and an “Oh, well” is better than yelling back at her or trying to offer rationale explanations about the dog at the groomer, or any other triggering situation.
Takeaway Point
No matter what you do, these kids ain’t easy!