Executive Functioning

A mom says to me this week, “I’m doing better…I’ve turned down the nagging.”

I said, “So, you’re watching your ‘M.N.Q.’ – the Mother Nag Quotient.”

She laughed, “Yeah, it seemed to help. He was more motivated and engaged.”

It’s never easy though.

So many parents report their child to be fundamentally under-functioning, not meeting expectations, not engaging with school work or facing the reality of their choices.

One mom reports that her child is only motivated by his “virtual world,” spending endless time on video gaming, socializing only through his Xbox. This Mom will not be the only one who can’t drag her child away from their video games. Just take one look at the Current League of Legends player count, or the player count of any popular game – the figures show just how many people spend timing playing these games daily.

Underneath the nagging is fear. As adults we don’t see the other side of it when the grades reflect a general decline. We plead, cajole, limit-set, nag, yell, and punish, among an array of other strategies that generally don’t work well.

Even if the parent shuts down the gaming system, more often than not, they’re not willing to take away the child’s phone, so YouTube excursions, texting, Snapchat, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram provide enough candy during the time (the child knows it will be temporary) when the Xbox is off limits.

I strive to help kids and parents find the middle ground. I appeal to compromise on the child’s part. (“I will work on helping your mom turn down her MNQ, if you do your part, meet your basic responsibilities.”) There’s a lot of that kind of talk.

With the parents I try and get them to use a ratio that guides them toward being 10% involved, to be homework consultants, but they worry that the child will sink like a stone if they turn down their Parent Over-Involvement Dial (aka, POID).

I make reference to “executive function deficits,” we talk about building in structures and systems that can help the child assume greater independence and responsibility.

Some parents try medication for their kids.

Each child and family is unique, so what works well for one may not for another.

I think it is good that the mom turned down her nag quotient; it seemed to free up some bottled up anger in her child. Feeling less angry over being over-controlled, he had a little more energy to tackle the tasks he didn’t want to do.

Takeaway Point

Anger always clogs the engine.

Keep working to find the middle ground.

When it comes to kids and their various issues, it’s very hard for us to get past certain notions.   An ongoing one is the notion that the child is just “not paying attention enough,” and that the child just needs to try harder and everything would be ok.

This approach sees things as a motivation deficit.

More often than not there are skill deficits underlying leading to the motivation deficit, things that the kid can’t do very well on a specific task.  With learning disabilities there’s so much variability and unevenness of performance (some things the child does great and others far below average), we get seduced into thinking that the child has a motivation problem (like not trying hard enough)..  There are times when the light bulb is on which leads to the, “See, you can do it if your tried,”

Take young James, age 6.  James seems to be off task a lot in the classroom and at home.  Frequently he is reprimanded for not paying attention or “trying his best.”

When James was evaluated it was clear that certain tasks were beyond his capability.  Most of these involved specific language skills.  For example, when asked “Why” type of questions (like, “Why do we wash our hands before eating?”), James could not respond.  He gazed at the wall, seeming to not pay attention.

Also quite challenging for James was his ability to form categories and explain how things were alike (such as a dog and a horse).  James just repeated the last word, “horse,” but had no understanding of how to make a similarity or category.

In contrast when given vocabulary tasks that asked to tell the meaning of a given word such as, “What is a bird,” James gave a reasonable response.  James was also able to point to pictures of a word when prompted to do so (e.g., “Show me the penguin.”).

James also functioned fairly well when given hands- on type of tasks that had reduced language involvement.

In short, James was  variable with particular difficulty with certain functions of language.  When those type of tasks were given (i.e., making similarities, forming categories, answering “why”), James looked very disconnected and off task.  In all likelihood people were starting to question whether he had ADD and whether he needed medication.

I wasn’t going in that direction with James.

First and foremost, James was struggling with language usage.  What did he need beside good language interventions?  As a start:

1. Adults being patient with him. (This is a lot easier said than done).
2. Not over talking James. (Too much talk leads to off task behavior.)
3. Not giving James too many steps to follow. (It’s unrealistic.)
4. Not assuming he can manage inappropriately difficult academic material like word problems. (James was starting to get word problems in first grade.)
5. Not assuming he understands. (There was much that James did not understand.)
6. Recognizing that even if James can read the words on the page (which he couldn’t), the likelihood of his having comprehension issues was strong. (Comprehension was being overly emphasized in his class.)
7. Understanding that James’ issues with language were not just “academic,” but also starting to affect him socially. (Some of the kids were starting to make fun of James.)

Slowing it down for James and paying attention to a few of these points goes a long way.

Takeaway Point

Things are not always what they seem.

Sometimes paying attention and trying harder are not the issue.

To consult with Dr. Selznick, you can reach him through email: contact@shutdownlearner.com

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Does your child have “BID (Boredom Intolerance Disorder)?”

Don’t Google it or look it up on WebMd.  I made it up.

Let’s look at boredom intolerance.  To start, If 100 kids (or adults for that matter) were asked, “How many of you would like to take part in a boring lecture today,” I would venture to say that not a hand would go up? If the same kids were asked, “How many of you think you could tolerate a boring lecture,” I would predict a fair number (perhaps about 50%) could tolerate the lecture.

Children with executive function issues (i.e., problems with initiating activity, sustaining mental effort, and inattentiveness among other behaviors) typically have great difficulty managing their boredom.

Boredom Intolerance Descriptions

Reports from parents describe it well.

Here are some common descriptions:

• “It’s like he can’t stand doing his homework. In five minutes flat he’s groaning that ‘It’s sooooo boring.’”
• “Getting him to read is painful. You’d think we were hurting him.”
• “Last week in church it was like he was jumping out of his skin during the sermon. Was the sermon exciting? No?  But why couldn’t he deal with it?”

Executive function deficits represent weak, floppy internal “rudders” or internal steering mechanisms.  For the kids who can tolerate the boring lecture or the sermon they probably have some kind of internal dialogue like the following,  ”Wow, this is really boring.  I can’t wait for it to be over, but I will try and stay focused.”

Not so with our heroes who have BID.  There is little to no “self-talking” or “self-calming” strategies (common shrink terms).  They react to the boredom almost instantaneously.  They must get out of the situation.  “It’s sooooooo boring.”  It’s intolerable.

What’s to be done?

Teaching Kids to Combat Boredom

Tolerating boredom is a skill to be learned and practiced.

Empathy can go a long way. For example, before going to church or synagogue, you may say something like, “Look, I know it’s boring and you will have some trouble with it, but it means a lot to us that we are all there as a family.”

Helping to bring reality to a child’s head is also something that can be done.  “School can be boring.  I know the teacher tries to make it fun, but she can’t all the time.  It’s not meant to be entertaining. You have to try and find ways of dealing with it.  You’re good with pictures.  Try and make picture notes of what the teacher is saying or what you are reading. That might make it more interesting.”

Takeaway Point

It’s boring out there.  We have to help them deal with it.

In other words, learning to tolerate boredom by degrees goes a long way.

Flexibility of thinking and problem solving are two interacting skills impacting academic and social functioning.   Children who have difficulty with these also have trouble with “self-monitoring,” that is the ability to be aware of the correctness of your output to a given situation, question or problem.

Underneath, these skills is something that I refer to as the “Hmmm, let me think about it,” voice which emerges when questions are asked in which the answer is not readily apparent.   “How many states are there in the United States,” does not usually produce the, “Let me think about it voice,” as the answer is factual.  You either know the answer or you don’t.

Questions such as, “Why do you think ________,” require the problem solving voice to help reach a conclusion.  It’s almost impossible to answer the question without activating,  “Hmm, let me think about it.”

When a child struggles with this voice they have difficulty with tasks that involve higher order reasoning and inferencing.  Here’s a great example from a young girl, I tested recently,  Ashley, age 9..

On a reading comprehension screening utilizing a fill-in- the- blank format,  Ashley was given the following item for her to insert one word in the blank:

“You can _______________ a boat out of a piece of wood.”

Regardless of whether you think this is a good item or not (I don’t love it), the statement does require a certain amount of reflection and flexibility of thinking to arrive at the answer of “make,” or “carve” inserted in the blank.

If you are too rapid in style (as was Ashley) and perhaps an inflexible problem-solver (as was Ashley) you will likely reach a wrong conclusion (as did Ashley).

Here’s the interaction that took place almost verbatim with Ashley:

Ashely read the line and quickly stated:

You can “row” a boat  out of a piece of piece of wood.”

Even though the answer “row” made little sense, Ashley did not monitor her answer or attempt to self-correct.  She thought it was just fine.

I pushed her a bit and encouraged her to offer a different response.  In a sense my indirect pushing suggested to Ashley that she consider and problem solve with a different type of answer.

Without skipping a beat, Ashley answered, “You can “paddle” a boat out of a piece of wood,” for her alternative response.   Again, no self- correction.  No consideration.  No, “Hmm, let me think about it,” in evidence.

 Takeaway Point

The “problem solving voice,” involving reflecting and considering is a skill like many other skills. To some it comes somewhat naturally, to others they need to have it taught to them directly and practiced over time in order for the skills of problem solving, reflecting and self-monitoring to become more a part of the child’s skill repertoire.