Executive Functioning

“Lost at Sea:” Executive Function Weaknesses

by | Aug 1, 2014 | ,

Every 10 years or so in education and psychology there is a trendy hot topic or new term that was essentially unheard of the previous decade. Before learning disabilities became a hot term in the 1970s, these were virtually unknown in the public. The same was true with ADHD, which became a hot term in the mid-1980s into the 1990s. (I know, I know, I am dating myself.)

Executive function deficits is one of those terms.  Prior to 2005 or so, very few people were making reference to executive functions in the real world. Whereas now  the term is becoming more commonplace. Parents will even state upfront (before the child has even been tested) that they think the child has problems with executive functioning.

While I tend to be one who does not embrace too many hot trends, this conceptualization of  why children struggle makes a lot of sense to me and think it should be understood better.

When I work with parents, I do all I can to stay away from jargon, preferring to translate into metaphors terms that are casually tossed around with imagery that parents can better understand.

For example, trying to explain executive function deficits to parents, I use the imagery that the kid’s “boat is being steered by a very floppy rudder.”  Another image I use to explain frontal lobe, executive function deficits, is a weak “orchestra leader-one that is being ignored.”

Take Mark, age 14, a ninth grader who is bright, creative, witty, charming and personable. Mark is an absolute pleasure on so many levels. However, when it comes to managing his time and facing his “pain” (i.e.,  his homework) on a day-to-day basis, it Mark has given his parents fits for number of years. The stress level on the household has become unbearable, getting worse every grade from latter elementary school to the present day.  Mark has a very tough time steering his boat and he is drifting around at sea aimlessly.

One of the challenges, kids like Mark are almost immune to becoming organized or to steer their boat more effectively.

From what I’ve seen, change can come in small, incremental steps.  If you focus on small steps in terms of mastering and internalizing different skills, then change can occur.

Executive function coaching can make a big difference in terms of targeting the specific skills. For example, Mark can be shown how to use and color code his calendar practice this skill over time (practicing to mastery).

One word of caution though.  The odds of success are very poor if this skill is being delivered by you as a parent. Kids are wired to tune out their parents.  They will fight you, resist you and basically show you how your approach doesn’t work.  They won’t do that with “hired gun,” that is, the coach. So, even though it will cost you, you will save a lot of grief and aggravation by finding someone who gets this approach of one baby step at a time.

In summary, keep your expectations modest, do a lot of deep breathing and you will get through the coming year.

(Adapted from “School Struggles,” Richard Selznick, Ph.D., 2012, Sentient Publications)

Structuring, Cuing & Guiding

by | May 23, 2014 |

“Marlene, just doesn’t follow directions.  You know when she goes into fourth grade there’s going to be no more hand-holding. ”

“All the kids in the class, but Benjamin, know what to do.  He really should be able to do the work.  After all, he is in 7th grade.”

“What is it with Kyle? It’s like he’s in a different time zone.  He should be more aware of time management.”

This “should talk” is ever unproductive. 

Sure, on average, by fourth, seventh  or  whatever grade, a child should  be pretty self-sufficient.  They should be following directions, managing their time, processing information independently.

But, that is on average. 

In a class of 20 or so kids, I expect about six of them (about 30%) to be having some type of difficulty.   Often the parents of the 30% hear something like this – “We’re not medical doctors, so we can’t diagnose, but maybe you should have this checked out.” 

The unspoken meta-message is, “Your child needs to be on medication.”

Not all of these kids need to be on medication. 

So what do these kids need?

In non-medical terms, they need structuring, cuing and guiding.  What that looks like is an adult (usually the teacher) providing a little more assistance than is needed on average by the 70% who are capably following along. 

At home, they may need a little more parent assistance than would normally be expected for a certain age. 

Sure, it would be nice if by fourth grade a child was fully independent, but many are not. 

The Marlene’s, Benjamin’s and Kyle’s mentioned above, need a bit more external support that would be expected for a given age.  It’s the external support that provides them with a percentage boost. 

I can see this in action with some aspects of the testing that I do.  For example, a child may be getting bogged down on a task and not see how to proceed.  A sense of confusion may kick in overloading the child.  At that point, I may cue a child in to the task, help a little, and perhaps show him a clue as to how to proceed.  Often,  I see the light bulb go off –  “Oh, I get it…that’s how you do this.”   

A little structuring, cuing and guiding goes a long way.

The N.F.L & 504 Plans in the Real World

by | May 16, 2014 |

Sometimes I think of school 504 meetings somewhat like what I imagine goes on in the preparation for an NFL football game.  The coaches (apart from the players) come up with a game plan.  Then the team has to  play the game and carry out the plan.

The plan may work beautifully.  Then again, the plan may blow up.  It may not work.

What’s the link between the NFL pregame strategizing and a 504 planning meeting?

Just like in the NFL pregame strategizing, in a 504 meeting the parents and teachers (usually apart from the child) put their heads together and come out with what they think is a plan that will work.

Ideas are tossed around in the 504 meeting.  Things like:

“I think he should have extra time.”

“Let’s put him in the front of the room.”

“We’ll let him use this high-tech spell checker.”

“We’ll sign his homework planner.”

On and on it goes.  (I’ve seen 504 evaluation reports from outside professionals that have over 20 accommodations.)

Sometimes the plans are effective.  Sometimes they are not.

Another problem comes in that sometimes the kid doesn’t want what is being plotted in the meeting.  There aren’t too many kids that I know with ADHD, for example, who want more time, which is the single most recommended 504 accommodation.  If anything, they want less.  They want to be done with the tasks that they detest – like reading.

The takeaway point is that the plots hatched in the pregame strategizing or in the 504 planning session may not work.  Adjustments may need to be made.

What sounds good on paper, may not be so great in real life.

Anger You Can’t Make Me Parts II

by | Feb 4, 2014 |

In a recent blog post I discussed how anger can be depleting a child from the necessary emotional fuel to manage school. Many of the typical “ADHD” style behaviors such as avoiding responsibilities, procrastinating, not sustaining mental effort, may be due, in part, to anger that remains unexpressed or misunderstood.
Children do not tend to be very clear about their anger. In fact, most of us have difficulty with anger and its expression. Most of the time, children are angry because they feel over-controlled and over-punished.

Ask yourself, are your punishments reaching their desired goals?

Punishments tend to be reactive and usually result in a great deal of resentment. They rarely succeed in helping kids become more motivated. Usually, the anger that is underneath the surface needs some type of release, some type of understanding. It is through the understanding that the anger is often dissipated.

Rather than wait for your child to come out directly and state their feelings, which is often very difficult to do, one approach that may work would be to take a few educated guesses:
• You think I am being too hard on you, huh?
• I bet you are real angry with me right now, right?
• You think I am over- controlling, right?

Watch for the child’s nonverbal reaction to see if you are on to something. If you get a lot of head nodding, you probably are hitting the mark.
You may ask, “So how do you see me as over-controlling” or “Why are you angry with me right now?”

Perhaps in the car, when is just you in your child (with no siblings), it would be a good time to give it a shot. You don’t have to agree with what the child says, but listening can have powerful effects. Releasing some of the anger may lead to less of a desire to “stick it to you” and a perception that both of you are on the same team-not opposing ones.

Take Away Point
Anger is a strong force that can undermine all of your efforts with your child. Find ways to show your child to you understand some of his/her feelings, and he may find that there is greater energy for tackling some of the more difficult tasks, like schoolwork.

On Floppy Rudders & The Day to Day Grind of School

by | Jan 17, 2014 |

It’s that time of year – the time when the kids with floppy rudders (mostly the boys) are starting to wear their parents down.  They are the ones not handing in homework and playing on their iPads too long while their grades are plummeting.    

They can’t handle the day to day grind of school.

The nightly ritual of, “What do you have for homework,” typically answered with, “Nothing, I did in school,” goes on and on.  

There are meltdowns (child and parent).  There is yelling, punishing and threatening. 

“This is unacceptable,” is bellowed in homes across the country.  “Your ________________ (fill in the blank) is taken away indefinitely!!”

I have met thousands of these floppy rudder kids who usually are seen to have some variation of ADD or executive function deficit.  I’ve been to many conference on these kids, thinking I will find the holy grail solution. 

All I can tell you is that I haven’t found it yet.  Organizing the disorganized, structuring the untrusted, maturing the immature, is rough work.

There are a few things that I have learned.

  • The problem isn’t always in the kid’s head.   Sometimes the problem is outside the kid’s head. Often the work is too hard. 
  • Punishment as a general rule doesn’t work, yet it’s our number one “go-to” strategy.  Punishment depletes the emotional fuel line. 
  • Encouragement and empathy increase motivation.  When these are conveyed as part of the mix the kid doesn’t feel as slammed.  He feels supported.  Small statements, such as “Look George, I get it.  I know the work is tough, but let’s try and figure it out together convey such empathy and understanding.

A number of years ago Leo Buscaglia, an inspirational speaker on public television, was quite popular.  He told many homegrown, folksy tales delivering down to earth messages.  I remember one quite clearly.  It involved the power of encouragement.

Buscaglia described how he (nicknamed young Giuseppe) came home from school distraught about getting a 57 on a test he had taken.

“Hey Giuseppe,” his father said in a large, encouraging tone, “Don’t be so down…you’ll be ok….maybe next time you’ll get a 58.”

Kids need a lot more Buscaglia and a lot less punishment.

Organizing the Disorganized: The 10% Parent Involvement

by | Aug 9, 2013 |

As we go into the school year and that pit in your stomach starts to form there are certain areas of chronic concern, such as homework completion that increase the sense of queasiness.  Usually the difficulty with homework is accompanied by the ongoing sense of disorganization that is typical of a significant number of  boys in the upper elementary to middle school grades.

Take fifth-grader Matthew who is driving his family crazy. The nightly ritual of “What do you have for homework… Did you hand in your homework?… When are you going to get started on your homework?”  is taking its toll on the family and increasing the sense of stress that is experienced. Matthew’s mother is particularly frazzled by the ongoing homework battles.

Handing in his homework and writing down his assignments are not the only problems Matthew has.  Once he gets started, it can take Matthew incredibly long time to finish.

An example toward the end of the school year was one night where it took Matthew four hours to complete his homework, which turned into an agonizing ordeal. Over the four hours, Matthew dawdled and completed very little. There was much yelling back and forth. The temperature of the household was running very high.

Matthew’s parents keep telling (yelling)  “You’ve got to get organized. You’ve got to get organized. You need to try harder.”

That’s like telling somebody with a bad leg, “You’ve got to run harder. You’ve got to run harder.”  It’s not going to happen.

The fact is Matthew simply doesn’t have it in him to “get organized.” At least Matthew doesn’t have it in him to do it on his own.  Matthew’s psychological testing and history reveal that he has significant organizational  (executive function) deficits.

Telling him over and over to “get organized” and “try harder” will fall on deaf ears.

In terms of how you approach a child like Matthew, his parents need to be involved, but not too involved. I like to use a 10% parental involvement ratio, which provides a certain level of structure and input.  The 10% involvement ratio means that you help the child get started (rather than telling them to do it entirely on their own) by breaking tasks down, clarifying directions and guiding, to a certain extent.

The 10% involvement is the equivalent of "floaties,"  helping to keep the child's nose above water.  Without the 10% involvement, a child like Matthew will sink like a stone as you keep telling him, "You've got to get organized."

 

Adapted from "School Struggles, (2012), Richard Selznick, Ph.D. (Sentient Publications)

A Few Points in School Struggling Land

by | Jul 26, 2013 |

Out there in school struggling land there are some common themes that I find myself saying over and over to parents to help them understand their kids better.  Here are a few:

Smooth Road and Rough Road Kids:

Generally speaking kids are on one side or the other relative to school issues.  I see it all of the time.  A parent will say something like, “I have one child who is breezing through school and one that always is struggling.”  Basically, there are kids who have a relatively smooth ride, and then there are the rest – the ones on the rougher road.  The rougher road kids have a tough time.  Your job as a parent is not to necessarily fix the road (probably an impossible task), but to try and help smooth the road out as much as you can.  For example, good learning therapy/tutoring helps to fill in some of the holes.  Setting up reasonable structures in the house is another example of helping to smooth the road.

Gradations from the Middle

We seem to like our labels and they have some value, but as a general theme I am generally uncomfortable with labeling and pathologizing children. I see kids more in gradations from the mid- point on a given variable.   Dyslexia, for example, is not like a cavity.  You can’t put dyslexia on an x-ray and say definitively, “There it is…you have this thing called, dyslexia.”  The same is true with ADD/ADHD.    Many kids that I see have enough of a “touch” of the syndrome (e.g., ADHD, Reading Disability), yet not enough to warrant full classification or labeling. These children often fall through the cracks.  They need help regardless of the label.

Parenting Isn't the Root of All Childhood Problems

Parents are blamed for virtually all child issues.  I think too much so.  Child temperament is a crucial yet underrated variable that accounts for a great deal of the difficulty families’ face with challenging children. Certainly parenting counts and is a big factor, but we tend to see parenting as the be-all and end-all when it comes to child behavior. I can’t understand how parenting is the primary factor when there are two or three children in a family and only one of them is challenging while the other two are flexible and easy-going.  Don’t be so quick to take the heat as a parent!

 

(Adapted from School Struggles, (2012), Sentient Publications, Richard Selznick, Ph.D.)

Homework Avoidance: That Pit in the Stomach Returns

by | Jun 28, 2013 |

It would be interesting if we could take a psychological temperature reading across the country while homework is being conducted, typically from four in the afternoon to about 9 oclock at night. My sense is that, in many households, the temperature rises steadily with every passing hour of homework frustration. If we could peek into these households, we would probably see increased tensions with great deal of irritability and yelling. Homework is always helped by using efficient whiteboards from Writey, that you can stick onto any smooth surface and allow your child to break down the homework step by step…here you go. Despite this, homework is still as frustrating as ever for everyone involved.

Even though it is summertime, before you turn around, the new school year will be kicking in and parents will be anticipating homework anguish once again. That pit in the stomach will be returning. Many kids try their hardest when tackling their homework but struggle with the subject matter. If you feel your child could benefit from using the Professional tutors from Strive Academy then I urge you to get in contact with them as soon as possible.

It is a fact of life that kids (and most adults) avoid doing what they dont enjoy. This is a law. Avoidance and procrastination result in tremendous family frustration and tension. Emotional reactivity (i.e., yelling) becomes the norm.

When was the last time you felt your yelling reached its desired goal and produced a more dutiful child who went off and did his homework independently? When did the child say, Well, Mom, thanks for yelling. I really appreciate it and Ill start to do my homework now.

I think you know the answer. Yelling rarely reaches its desired goal. But this begs the question, what will then?

Explain the consequences for not doing homework

This is a challenging and complex topic that does not lend itself to simple answers. As a general guideline, remember you set the tone, recognizing that there are mitigating factors that come into play. Assume that if you lead in a calm but firm way, the child will follow your lead. This may not happen immediately, but if you set the tone and parameters, your children will come to understand over time what is expected and will follow your directions much more readily.

Here is an example of a clear directives given calmly but firmly by a mother to her 10-year-old son with a history of dawdling, crying, and doing anything to avoid starting and completing his homework (Keep in mind, the work was within his instructional level.):

This is how homework is going to work tonight. I’ve been yelling far too much and have decided to stop. Really, it’s on you. I know this work is within your capability level. Understand that all electronics including your phone are earned. If you put in a reasonable time and effort with your homework, the electronics are earned. If you haven’t, then the electronics are not earned. Either way is fine with me. It’s your call.

Avoid getting too invested

In this scenario, the mom did not get overly invested in the result. She did not make homework her concern, but made it her childs concern. To some of you this may sound cold, a bit too cut-and-dried. But by stating expectations clearly, in fairly objective black-and-white tones, the mom gave the child a choice one way or another.

In summary, turn down the heat, but be clear in your goal and stated expectations. In the coming year, Lets try to get the temperature in America to fall within the normal zone during the homework.

Takeaway Point

You set the tone. Establish your tone with clarity of mind according to the way you want things to go. The dog wags the tail, not the other way around.

(Adapted from “School Struggles,” (2012), Richard Selznick, Ph.D., Sentient Publications.)

And An Angry River Runs Through It

by | Oct 4, 2012 |

If you have a shut-down learner style teen (especially a boy) you know the scene – not handing in homework consistently, not getting started on tasks, poor follow through, lots of video game playing or cell phone activity – that fun package.

Typically there have been a lot of punishments, with  all kinds of pecking and nagging, none of which has altered the behavior for the better.

Usually the school is giving the code message, “We’re not doctors, but …” which is code for “We think your child should be on medication.”

By that point, medication has typically been tried in one form or another, along with all of the herbal remedies and walking the balance beam treatments.

One thing that is rarely talked about though is anger.

Zach, 15, was in my office recently with his mom.  Zach sat there passively while his mother went through his crimes and misdemeanors.  He was giving me nothing to go on – no explanations.

At some point, I turned to Zach and said, “What about the F.U. river that runs underneath all of this. It’s south of swamp called My Parents Are Jerks.”

Wow…did his demeanor shift.  Zach immediately lightened up.  The mom laughed too.  She understood the swamp and the river right away. 

I’m not saying that talking about the river is going to lead to great grades, but I do think unless you deal with the river (and the swamp), everything stays blocked.  There will be no energy to work through the perceived (and real) drudgery of difficult school tasks.

Takeaway Point:

Lighten up!!!

 

Homework: Need the Blood Pressure Medication

by | Oct 21, 2011 |

What is it about homework that gets everyone’s blood pressure so elevated?

The kids can be slugging each other in the family room, one hair from breaking their skulls open and there may be barely a peep heard.   But, when the mom goes on the internet board (for the third time in the day) and finds a missing homework assignment, a storm is unleashed.
 
Perhaps it’s the symbolism of homework that gets us all crazy. Homework non-compliance taps into all of our fears. When a child does not comply readily or consistently, it understandably strikes a nerve with us. All of the fears about the child’s future are lurking underneath, fueling the firestorm of parental reaction.
 
Rather than going ballistic over the homework, you might try talking about your fears calmly and honestly with your child. 
 
“The reason I become a ranting banshee over homework is I am scared for you.    The deal with homework is that homework is used as a yardstick for whether you are in the school game or not. When you don’t hand in your homework, you’re not in the game. I worry a lot when you’re not in the game. It also sours my mood.
 
So, from here on I am going to try and stop being a raving lunatic over homework.   It’s one way or the other. If you’re in the game, wonderful – you’ve met your basic responsibilities. But if you’re not in the game, please don’t come whining to me about hustling you off to the mall (or wherever) come Friday night. I probably won’t be in a good enough mood. Instead of driving you places, I probably will be working on my mood. No yelling, no punishing, just working on my mood.  You decide.  Either way is fine.”
 
 

 

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