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“Bully:” Some Thoughts About the Movie

by | Apr 28, 2012 |

I saw the movie “Bully” yesterday which stirred  some thoughts. If you haven’t seen the movie, you should. My wife and I were both moved by the stories of the various children who had become targets of ridicule, mockery and social shunning. 

For me, as someone who professionally has met many children who have become targets for a variety of reasons, there was one take-away point.  This point is the same point I have always felt from the early stages of my career (as a teacher) to the present day. Targeted, victimized or bullied (whatever word you are comfortable with) children need effective adult protection, support and intervention. From what I saw in the movie and have seen over the years, there are certain children who wear a large target on their backs and they become fodder for the aggressive ones. Expecting these children to tough it out and ignore the aggressive kids is unrealistic.  It is beyond their capacity and may be inherently unfair to expect.
 
In the movie “Bully” there was only one brief moment where there was anything close to an effective administrative action against the bully types where they (the bullies) were effectively stared down and told that their behavior would not be tolerated under any circumstances.
 
In addressing bully types there must be sufficient backbone and clarity of message. From my view, nothing short of clarity of message will be effective. Putting too much on the targeted child or even the “bystanders” to deal with these types is asking them to confront levels of fear and intimidation that would be beyond most of us. They can’t do it on their own.
 
One more point, with our new bully consciousness, since bullying is the current hot topic in and around the schools, we risk having the word “bully” becoming marginalized and trivialized, just as the overuse of “ADHD” had similar trivializing effects. Every off task behavior is not symbolic of ADHD and every confrontation or unhappy childhood experience does not represent bullying. See the movie. The children depicted were clearly bullied and their lives were made miserable as a result. There was no doubt about it.
 
In sum, if you deal with children, the chilren being bullied need support and understanding. They need someone (beyond their mom) on their team. The bullies need to know their behaviors will not be tolerated.

 

Your Questions for School Struggles, Learning Disabilities & Other Kid Stuff

by | Jan 8, 2012 |

2012 is well underway and we are about half way through the school year. I am sure that the year has already had its share of challenges.

As I think about topics to write about for the coming year, I am looking for input from you. What questions or concerns do you have?   What are the things that keep coming up for you that you would like a straight answer?
 
A percentage of future blogs will be devoted to responding to your questions, so that the material is meaningful to you.
 
Topics can be any that involving school struggles, assessment, treatment,  dyslexia, reading problems, educational interventions, 504 Plans, IEPs, special education, behavior, diagnoses, classification or anything related. Really anything under the umbrella of the scope of, “School Struggles, Learning Disabilities & Other Kid Stuff” is grist for the mill. If I can’t answer your question, I will do my best to find someone who can.
 
There are different ways to send in questions or comments:
 
      1)      Shut-Down Learner Website:  
 
Whenever questions come up, please feel free to send in questions and comments through the website:
 
www.shutdownlearner.com/contact
 
             2)      Facebook:
 
Find Shut-Down Learner on Facebook. Click the “Like” to join the page. This is a great place to get information on a range of topics related to the ones of concern. Feel free to post questions and comments.
 
Here’s the shortened url:  on.fb.me/efGhW
 
 
3)      Follow @DrSelz on Twitter:
        
        If you enjoy Twitter, go to   twitter.com/#!/DrSelz to follow @DrSelz or search for Richard Selznick. Twitter  is          a great medium for posting brief questions.
 

               4) email:              

       You can also  go “old school” and email rselznick@comcast.net
 
Please don’t be shy. I’d love to hear from you to help steer some of the content of this site.
 
Hope everyone is off to a great New Year.
 
 

 

Create Your “Home IEP”

by | Jul 20, 2011 |

I know it’s summer and you don’t want to be thinking about school, but I thought in these dog days of summer you could create your own unofficial “Home IEP.” This Home IEP would be your own blueprint for the coming school year.

To write your Home IEP,  I’d suggest you go outside in the shade, pour yourself a glass of iced tea, and spend some time reflecting. What are the things that would represent real change for your child (and you as the parent) if they were done by the end of the year?
 
Here are a few sample goals for the child and parent (set to 85% mastery level) to help jog your thought process:
 
Child
 
  • With minimal whining, child will manage homework independently.
  • Child will ask for assistance when needed only after attempting on his/her own.
  • Child will put papers in folder or binder for the next day 85% of the time.
  • Child will spend a half hour a night reading a book at his independent level before playing video games or going on internet.
  • Child will get self out of bed, get dressed and ready for school with minimal parental input.
 
Parent
 
  • 85% of the time, the parent will recognize that it is the child’s problem.
  • Parent will reduce yelling 85% of the time and speak in more objective, matter of fact terms (e.g., “Gee, I’m sorry you didn’t cooperate, now we are not going to the store for that thing you wanted.”).
  • When child forgets books at school, parent will reduce tendency to rush to school to get forgotten books.
  • Parent will reduce frequency of emailing teacher to once every other week (at the most).
  • Parent will only use a labeling term (e.g., ADHD, Dyslexia, Autism, Asperger’s, Sensory issues, etc.) once every other day.
  • Parent will only check grades on the school’s internet site once a month.
 
If any of these apply, feel free to include them in your own “Home IEP.”
 

 

“Step Right Up Folks” – Curing All Things Child

by | Apr 14, 2011 | ,

  “Step right up folks! Our unproven, unsubstantiated therapy and treatment are guaranteed to cure all things bothering you about your child. That’s right for the low fee, special offer of $3,499 over the next year, we will cure bed-wetting, ADHD, reading disabilities, and just plain child orneriness!!! All you have to do is plunk down your money (special 10% discount if paid in full up front) and bring your child in for special treatment – twice a week over the year, and you will see results in all things child. We also have a special deal on this nutrio-supplement that we offer at 60% off the retail price ($199) when you sign up for the therapy!!! This nutrio-supplement will get your child to stop bothering you at the dinner table and in restaurants. It might even cure sibling rivalry! That’s right folks. Step right up!!!!!!”

It seems that every five years or so there is a hot new treatment on the market that is guaranteed to cure ADHD, dyslexia, behavior issues and other child issues of concern. I have known parents to spend thousands of dollars for questionable, unproven therapies, only to have the child left in the same place he/she was in when the therapy was started.

Many of these therapies make no common sense and have little legitimate research support. In addition, they often present an indirect approach to address the problem. For example, if you want your child to learn to read better,  then target reading with sensible approaches that have been well field tested. Don’t go seeking alternative, roundabout means of developing reading skills.

There are no vitamin supplements or balance beam exercises that will develop phonics or reading fluency.

Takeaway Point

Before you try and cure all things child, be very careful!

Don’t be so quick to sign up for the cure!

(Adapted from “School Struggles,” by Richard Selznick, Ph.d. Sentient Publications: 2012)

 

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For a free 15 minute consultation with Dr. Selznick, email: contact@shutdownlearner.com.

To receive blogs and other updates, go to https://shutdownlearner.com.

Musings From Happy Hour – Happy Birthday Mel!

by | Feb 19, 2011 | ,

It’s funny how things come together.

Friday afternoon I was partaking in end of the week “Happy Hour” at a local sports bar with Patrick Flanigan (see Patrick interview pg. 115 in Shut-Down Learner.) Also at the bar by chance was the father of Alex one of the kids who was an inspiration for the Shut-Down Learner (see Helen interview, pg. 127). (Alex is still angry with me for not having him on the cover of the book.)

Recently, Patrick did the photo shoot for Lloyd Stone, President of Manny Stone Decorators  (www.mannystone.com). Lloyd, a trade show designer who is tops in his field, is a boyhood friend from Staten Island. He was also instrumental in helping me shape ideas for The Shut-Down Learner, as Lloyd well understands what it means to be a visually-based person.

Patrick has a great eye as a photographer (www.flazzproductions.com). It was a wonderful match of two very talented visual-spatial people coming together the result of their involvement with Shut-Down Learner.

Patrick told me he was impressed with Lloyd’s respectful treatment of his customers. As we talked at the bar, Patrick’s words triggered off thoughts of my father, Mel, who influenced legions of kids from Staten Island, one of whom was Lloyd.

Mel (or Mr. Selznick to those who knew him in school) was principal at P.S. 22, assistant principal of IS 27, IS 69 and a teacher at PS 49. He was also very influential to an innumerable number of kids at the SI JCC. My dad was always fixated on “human relations,” having come up in an era where people actually discussed human relations in their coursework, in social agencies and education. Mel would have been 81 this past week.

Patrick said, “I wish I had the kind of experience when I was a kid that you and Lloyd had at the JCC and with your dad; it would have made a big difference in how I deal with people and in my confidence – but I am learning a lot and getting better at it. Just watching you and Lloyd has shown me a lot.” 

Patrick’s talk made me think about my dad and his emphasis on human relations.

I see my father in my mind’s eye. He is about 30. I am five or six. For his summer job he was director of a camp at the Edgewood Inn, a hotel in the Catskill Mountains. I see Mel in a pool with about 20 kids. Everyone is having a great time. There is controlled chaos. Mel is wildly splashing one boy who is having the time of his life, splashing my father back. The boy’s name is Marc. Marc is blind. It was an image and memory that always stayed with me.

Months afterward my dad got a thank you letter from Marc written in braille. Marc’s parents translated the letter and stated that Marc never had the experience of being just like all the other kids like he had that summer. They owed it to Mel’s instincts for including Marc, a blind boy who had never horsed around with others before in a pool.

Patrick’s talk and the fact that this past week would have been my dad’s 81st birthday, made me go back to the words of Harvey Araton, a kid from the Staten Island projects, later a columnist with the New York Times, who had written a tribute to the influence of Mel at the time of his passing away: 

 "He made me a kid from the West Brighton projects with few connections to the Jewish community at large, feel like a part of a family. He never once asked me if my dues were fully paid, which of course, they usually weren’t. When I knew it, when I walked in the building just hoping I wouldn’t be sent home, embarrassed in front of all these new kids in my life by whom I wanted desperately to be accepted, Mel would catch my eye and mouth the words, “Go get dressed.” The last thing this man would have done was send a kid home.

He took me in and he took my friends from the projects in, too. Didn’t matter to Mel if they were Jewish, white, black. They didn’t have any more money to spend at the Center than I did but they wanted to play, they wanted to belong. That was good enough for Mel who taught us a few things about compassion and inclusion.

A generation ago, when parents didn’t stand on the sidelines and scrutinize their children at play the way we do now, it was Mel who watched over us. He applauded our successes, consoled us when we failed. My father didn’t know much about sports but I will never forget the awards breakfast when Mel ticked off my achievements before calling me up to receive the Weissglass award (a JCC award). My father left the Center thinking his son was the Jewish Jim Thorpe. Poor guy. How was he to know that it was just Mel being Mel, the best advocate any of us ever had."

Long before 504 Plans, Special Ed Law, attorneys, medical doctors and psychologists, Mel understood inclusion and accommodations. He didn’t need it all documented. It was embodied in his actions. 

Patrick and I had another drink, sentimentally talking about Lloyd, Alex, Mel, the Shut-Down Learner and the connection of it all.

Too bad Mel wasn’t there. He loved happy hour and sports bars and I know he would have picked up the tab!

Happy 81st birthday, Mel. May you rest in peace.

REPORT FROM THE FRUA CONFERENCE

by | Oct 19, 2010 |

 

This past weekend it was my honor to be a presenter at the two-day FRUA (Families for Russian & Ukrainian Adoption: www.frua.org) conference, held at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.  A range of speakers covered a variety of different topics of medical, social, educational and psychological importance faced by these parents and children. 

Over the two days I met many parents who talked to me about their children.   My overriding impression was that these parents were highly committed, passionate, caring and optimistic people, in spite of the fact that most were dealing with complicated learning and behavioral issues.  While some were quite pleased with the support and understanding they received from school, there was also a good deal of expressed frustration.

On the second day of the conference, I was a co-facilitator in a lively round-table discussion on learning and school issues.  Some of the major points made include:

·    Trust your gut as a parent.  If you think there is a problem, there probably is one. There is no gain in waiting to see if the child will “grow out of it.”

·    Try and check the problem out through a trusted professional who can offer perspective and support.  Often this person becomes the professional you will return to over the years as your child goes through different stages of development.

·    Consider evaluations as a “snapshot” as a moment in time.  Taking a “snapshot” at the transitions (i.e., leaving kindergarten, going into the upper elementary grades, starting middle school, high school and college) is most important.  use the assessments to ask the question how “good to go” is your child.

·    If the child is not “good to go” in a key area (e.g., written expression), ask yourself (and the professional) what can be done (if anything) to target the area of concern.  You may not want to wait for the school to act  on this, as they may not see the issue the same way or perceive the problem to be severe enough to warrant attention.

·    If the child is overwhelmed by difficult worksheets or assignments that are clearly over his/her head, inform the teacher that the child can’t handle the assignment and is in a frustration level.  No one can handle working at a frustration level.

·    Strive to work collaboratively with the teacher.  Use plain language, instead of using psychological, medical or legal jargon.  Rather than saying, “Zachary has ADHD and auditory processing deficits and his 504 Plan says that you must repeat directions to him,” try speaking more plainly.  For example you might say instead, “Zachary really has a tough time following directions.  I know he’s in fifth grade and he’s supposed to at this point, but this has always been a really tough area for him and it still is.  I would really appreciate it if you went over to him and made sure he was on board.”
 

Above all, stay calm!  Stay sensible!

Clogged Fuel Lines and ADHD

by | Jan 14, 2010 | ,

By its nature, school places a certain demand on the child throughout the day. Most children throughout their day typically face a number of tasks that they find challenging and difficult to manage. When faced with such challenges many will work through their difficulty to arrive at solutions and complete the tasks before them.

What about the kids who are the concerns of these blogs – the shut-down learner types who have ADHD tendencies?

 They aren’t working through their challenges so readily!

One of the biggest issues facing these kids is the issue of “sustained mental effort.”  Put another way, these kids have clogged fuel lines for  completing difficult tasks!  They simply don’t have enough “juice’ to get them through their difficulty.

Take Hannah, age 9.  By description, Hannah is a very affectionate, loving child who tries to be helpful. At the same time, she is quite impulsive and unable to manage tasks that require sustained mental effort.

When I start to work with Hannah, I see very quickly that she has a “clogged fuel line” for task difficulty. After two minutes into a task she’s start whining, “Do we have to do the whole page…I have to go the bathroom.”   Rolling around on the desk, dropping her pencil on the floor repeatedly whenever she faced the slightest difficulty, Hannah had virtually no capacity to manage frustration. 

There are no easy solutions for “clogged fuel lines.”  Medication can be helpful, but many parents are reluctant to go that route.  Trying to provide enough structure and incentive may also be helpful.  Joining the kid and acknowledging her feelings about the task can also reduce the building emotional resistance building.  At home, you might try something like, “Hannah.  I know you hate this activity, but I’d like you to give it a shot.  I’ll set this clock. We won’t do more than 15 minutes.”

Ultimately, a certain amount of realism is required.  Knowing the nature of your kid and understanding that this issue of “clogged fuel lines” is part of the child’s make-up is better than getting upset with her.  Try working in small steps, increasing a little at a time.  Keep the teacher in the loop as to what you are trying to accomplish so the teacher knows what you are trying to accomplish.

Any ideas are welcome.  I will be sure and post them if you respond.

Tag:  ADHD,  Learning Disabilties,  Shut-Down Learners
 

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