I don’t know how to describe it in more clinical or scientific terms, but there are a bunch of kids I’ve assessed recently who seem to me to lack “oomph.”

While “oomph” may be one of those words that are not currently in modern usage, I think it conveys an important issue not often discussed.

With a low level of “oomph,”  the child comes across with low-energy and very little “push” behind them and the  tasks they are asked to complete.  Typically, parents will be checking the boxes that say things like, “lacks sustained mental effort,” “inattentive,” “easily distracted.”

With these children, I think of them as having a low “OQ,” (i.e., “”Oomph Quotient”)..  While not very scientific I understand, but that’s what it feels like when I’m with them.

Let’s take Blaze, an 8 year old whose parents are worried about how he conducts himself in his day-to-day life.

When I meet  Blaze I do my best to connect with him, but he’s not buying what I’m selling.  Giving me a half-hearted  (“must I do this”) fist bump with a meager smile as a starting point, he conveys that he can’t wait to be out of there.

When the assessment starts I ask Blaze to write down three things that he likes to do.  Instead of writing,  he says something in a mumble like, “I don’t like to do too much – video games.”  (Nothing gets written down.)

Later, on a task where I have Blaze to copy different shape and designs on the page and to put blocks together in patterns, he goes through the motions, but there is no attempt to correct himself when a design or block pattern is obviously wrong.

The sense is that the only thing on Blaze’s mind that matters to him is getting done with this annoyance, probably  so he can go back to his screen time at home or on the phone that his parents have given him on his birthday (with no strings attached).

It would be one thing if what was observed was unusual for Blaze, a function of not liking me or the assessment situation, but this type of thing occurs consistently and his parents are getting their buttons pushed by it.  (Teachers also comment on the low energy.)

Certainly, many kids with low “oomph” are diagnosed as  ADHD – of the inattentive variety – but my sense is that it is deeper than we are owning and understanding and a fairly complex issue.

To my knowledge there is no easy fix to remedy low “oomph.””

A good first step is to recognize it for what it often is – a total disinterest in anything beyond what is giving the child pleasure (which usually comes in the form of a screen).

Once it is recognized for what it is, honest conversations can take place between parent and child about what the low “oomph” means and how much of a problem it is becoming.

Starting to link up very important messages that questions the free access to screen pleasure would be a good next step.

The child has to start understanding the basic formula of “you give and you get,” as the child is typically stuck in “you don’t give and you still get.”

While this may not move the “OQ” needle significantly, it may move it enough to get the child more in the game.

(***Please note:  All blogs represent the opinion and perspective of Dr. Richard Selznick.  Comments and questions are welcomed, but are blocked by the hosting site.  Please email questions or comments: rselznick615@gmail.com)  

Copyright, Richard Selznick, Ph.D.  2022, www.shutdownlearner.com.

To Contact Dr. Richard Selznick for advice, consultation or other information, email rselznick615@gmail.com.

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Over the last year or so, I’ve noted an interesting trend – I’ll call it the “Child-to-Mom- Sideways Glance.”

Here’s how it goes.

Take William, age 8, who comes in to meet with me for the first time accompanied by his mother.  They sit next to each other perhaps two feet apart.

I engage William.

“So, Will, how old are you?”

Rather than answer the question directly, William immediate glances sideways at his mom before answering.

Once answering I check my chart and jokingly state, “Correct!!!! You’re right!!!!”

Thankfully, William laughs as I ask him another question.

“And, when’s your birthday?  (Sideways glance comes again immediately before responding.)

Teasingly, I joke, “I’m going to ask another one.  This is not a trick question.  You’re not allowed to look at your mother – in fact, I’m going to put up this paper shield so you can’t look at her when you answer,” as I playfully put up a paper between them so he can’t look at her when I ask if he has any pets.

Now I have William fully laughing and his mother is too, because she knows she’s in this dance with him as a co-conspirator.

This segues into another kid, Nicholas, age 10, a budding and brilliant future neuroscientist (and not a sideways glancer).

I explain my observation to Nicholas looking for his opinion on child behavior.

“So, Nicholas, I’ve picked up on this trend of child behavior where kids can’t answer a question without looking at their moms.  I know  there is no right or wrong answer, but what’s your guess why this is happening?”

Without skipping a beat, Nicholas says, “I would have a few hypotheses.”  (Now, I’m dying, laughing and leaning back, enjoying the ride to come.)

“My first hypothesis would be that the kid is maybe a little uncomfortable, maybe a little nervous.”

“That sounds like a good one,” I say.  “And your second?”

“Another hypothesis would be the kid has become too reliant (his word) on his mother. A third would be that they’re looking to their mother for approval too much.”

“Wow…those are pretty good,” I affirm (not that he needs my affirmation).  “I have one more to add,” I tell him.

“And, that would be?”

(Now I have pressure to earn my stripes with this 10-year-old researcher.)

“A hypothesis I would have would be the mom is too ready to speak for the child and he’s gotten very used to her answering for him.”

Nicholas gives me a wise nod, thankfully affirming my hypothesis. (I needed Nicholas’ approval more than he needed mine.)

I ask Nicholas  how he would set up a study and test the hypotheses.  Nicholas tells how he would set up a study to test them.  Nicholas quickly explains how he would research it, a well-designed study worthy of most  graduate programs.

Takeaway Point

All hypotheses are in play when it comes to the child-to-mother sideways glance.

This trend will need to be investigated further. Nicholas is on it.

I can’t wait to start having Nicholas on as a guest or co-host on my future podcasts.

(***Please note:  All blogs represent the opinion and perspective of Dr. Richard Selznick.  Comments and questions are welcomed, but are blocked by the hosting site.  Please email questions or comments: rselznick615@gmail.com)  

Copyright, Richard Selznick, Ph.D.  2022, www.shutdownlearner.com.

To Contact Dr. Richard Selznick for advice, consultation or other information, email rselznick615@gmail.com.

To receive future blog posts, register your email: https://shutdownlearner.com.

14-year-old Jamie comes in for an assessment.  His pediatrician has told the parents that he thinks Jamie has inattentive ADHD.

When I meet Jamie I do my best to connect with him, but he’s not buying what I’m selling.  Giving me  blasé’  (“must I do this”) fist bump as a starting point, he conveys that he can’t wait to be out of there.

When the assessment starts I ask Jamie to write down three things that he likes to do.  Instead of writing,  he says something in a mumble like, “I don’t like to do too much – mostly video games.”  (Nothing gets written down.)

Later, on a task where I have Jamie copy different shapes and designs on the page and to put blocks together in patterns, he goes through the motions, but there is no attempt to correct himself when a design or block pattern is obviously wrong.

It seems that the  only thing on Jamie’s mind that matters is getting done with this annoyance so he can go back to his screens at home or on the phone that his parents gave him on his birthday (with no strings attached, I might add).

It would be one thing if what was observed was unusual for Jamie, a function of not liking me or the assessment situation, but this occurs on a daily basis and it is pushing his parents buttons.

In short, Jamie has a low “OQ” (i.e., a low “Oomph Quotient”).

To my knowledge there is no easy fix to remedy a low “OQ.”  Certainly, many kids with a low OQ are diagnosed as  ADHD or “ADD.”  Perhaps medication can give them a little bit more oomph, but my sense is that it is deeper than we are owning and understanding.

A good first step is to recognize it for what it usually is – a total disinterest in anything beyond their screens.

Once it is recognized for what it is, an honest conversations can take place between parent and child about what the low “OQ” means and how much of a problem it is creating.

You may want to clarify that that the phone and iPad  that were given to them is really not theirs, since you are paying the bills for them and the internet.  Effectively, like giving the kid the keys to the car provisionally, you are letting them use these devices.

Takeaway Point

There is a basic formula not readily understood in “Screenland.” (i.e., “You give and you get..”).  Instead, they live by the formula they have created is, “You don’t give, but still get.”

Start changing the formula to chisel away at the low “OQ.”

Copyright, Richard Selznick, Ph.D.  2022, www.shutdownlearner.com.

To Contact Dr. Richard Selznick for advice, consultation or other information, email rselznick615@gmail.com.

 “Woke up, fell out of bed
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
And looking up, I noticed I was late
Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus in seconds flat
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke
And somebody spoke and I went into a dream.”

                                           (From “A Day in the Life,”  John Lennon & Paul McCartney”)

Inspired by recently hearing one of my favorite Beatles songs, “A Day in the Life,”  I thought an updated  version of “A Day in the Life” would be fun. This time it would be a day in the life of a typical adolescent boy.M

Myles, a 14-year-old young man who sees me periodically, fills me in on a typical day.

Here’s a re-creation of a conversation I have with him:

“So, Myles, your mother is telling me you do nothing all day. You’re up in your room for hours just on video games, so fill me in.  Let’s make believe we’re watching a video of  a typical day in your life, after you get home from school and maybe on weekends.”

(Keep in mind his mother is sitting next to him as he walks me through it, but he isn’t shy in recounting his day.)

“Well, I get home before 3:00 and I go up in my room,” Myles tells me.

“So, what are you doing up there,” I ask

“I get on my Xbox and start playing.”

“How long are you playing?

“Maybe until about 6:00,” Myles says, “and then I start watching TV or go on YouTube or watch a movie on Netflix. Then I either play some more Xbox and have dinner from around 630.”

“Are you on your phone during any of this?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m texting the whole time with my friends. I text them during dinner too.”

“You mean, your parents let you bring your phone to dinner?”

“Oh, yeah, well, my mom and dad are always checking their Apple watches – makes it look like they aren’t texting, but I know they are.”

“What about any school work?  Does that ever come up for you?”

“Not really. Maybe  about 7:30 for about 10 or 15 minutes then I go back on YouTube and Netflix or play some more Xbox until about 11:30.”

(At this point his mother has turned various colors as she listens to all of this.  She’s astounded he’s being as honest as he is.)

“How about weekends?  What are they like for you?

“Pretty much the same thing.  I get up around 11:00 on Saturday and start playing Xbox and go on YouTube.  Then I do that the rest of the day.”

Takeaway Point

A day in the life in 2022 is a little different than it was when the Beatles told us about it.

I think I’m going back to the Beatles.                                                                

                 “I read the news today, oh boy
                 Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire
                 And though the holes were rather small
                 They had to count them all
                Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall”

                                            (From,  “A Day in the Life,” Lennon & McCartney)

Copyright:  Shut-Down Learner

To Contact Dr. Richard Selznick for advice, consultation or other information, email rselznick615@gmail.com.

Modern parents can make you nostalgic for the good old days.

You know, those were the days when children went outside to play and basically did not see their mother for a solid 8 hours (except when she made them a nutritious bologna sandwich on white bread, which were wolfed down before running back out the door).

In contrast, self-conscious and very involved parenting is the rule these days.

Spend a few minutes in a public setting such as the supermarket or a local café’ and you may hear variations on the following:

• “Now, Hayden…you know that is not your indoor voice, is it Hayden?” (While Hayden runs around the café yelling.)
• “Remember Connor please do not run ahead, okay? (Connor has already blown off his mom.)
• “Molly, you know you should not use your whining voice.” (Your whining voice???)
• “Emma, where are your listening ears?” (Hmmm???”)
• “William, don’t you think it is time we started our homework?” (Wait, you have homework too?)
• Noah, I think it is time we went to bed, isn’t it?” (We??)
• It’s time for us to brush our teeth, Ava?  (Trying to picture combined teeth.)

Compliance between parent and child can be complicated by many variables affecting the outcome.

Very often sender of the message (i.e., the parents) are sending a weak, low-level message/command conveying insecurity likely to be ignored by the child.

In attempts to be nice and overly measured  while worrying about the child “self-esteem,” the message is not clear or direct enough.

(More next week.)

Copyright, 2022 www.shutdownlearner.com

Questions or comments email Dr. Selznick:  rselznick615@gmail.com