Month: April 2011

“Step Right Up Folks” – Curing All Things Child

  “Step right up folks! Our unproven, unsubstantiated therapy and treatment are guaranteed to cure all things bothering you about your child. That’s right for the low fee, special offer of $3,499 over the next year, we will cure bed-wetting, ADHD, reading disabilities, and just plain child orneriness!!! All you have to do is plunk down your money (special 10% discount if paid in full up front) and bring your child in for special treatment – twice a week over the year, and you will see results in all things child. We also have a special deal on this nutrio-supplement that we offer at 60% off the retail price ($199) when you sign up for the therapy!!! This nutrio-supplement will get your child to stop bothering you at the dinner table and in restaurants. It might even cure sibling rivalry! That’s right folks. Step right up!!!!!!”

It seems that every five years or so there is a hot new treatment on the market that is guaranteed to cure ADHD, dyslexia, behavior issues and other child issues of concern. I have known parents to spend thousands of dollars for questionable, unproven therapies, only to have the child left in the same place he/she was in when the therapy was started.

Many of these therapies make no common sense and have little legitimate research support. In addition, they often present an indirect approach to address the problem. For example, if you want your child to learn to read better,  then target reading with sensible approaches that have been well field tested. Don’t go seeking alternative, roundabout means of developing reading skills.

There are no vitamin supplements or balance beam exercises that will develop phonics or reading fluency.

Takeaway Point

Before you try and cure all things child, be very careful!

Don’t be so quick to sign up for the cure!

(Adapted from “School Struggles,” by Richard Selznick, Ph.d. Sentient Publications: 2012)

 

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Putting the Responsibility Where it Belongs (Squarely on the Child)

This week a mom talked to me about her very strong willed, temperamentally challenging child named Abbey. You know the type. Abbey always went against the grain. Whatever direction the family wanted to go, she wanted to go the other way. Flexibility of style and “going along with the program” were not qualities that came to mind when thinking about Abbey.
 
We talked about how the mom felt like she was turning into a screaming, raving lunatic (her own description). For example, getting dressed and out the door became an enormous battleground, whether getting ready for events like birthday parties or going to school.
 
My question to the mom was why she cared so much about any of it when there were logical, built in consequences to the child’s choices that were there for the child to experience. 
 
Why do we get so caught up in rushing kids to events like birthday parties and soccer, when there is often minimal child compliance?
 
I know that some of you will react negatively to my suggestion thinking that the child is too ______________________ (fill in the blank with a diagnostic category) to be able to handle a consequence, but I go back to good old fashioned approaches and mindsets with the vast majority of children. 
 
A firmly delivered, but very matter-of-fact statement, such as the following works wonders:
 
“I know you wanted to go to your cousin’s party, but you didn’t get dressed when I asked. Now we are staying home. I’ve been to many birthday parties in my life. I’m really fine not going to this one. Sorry you’re going to miss it – I know you were looking forward to it…. Oh, and one more thing, there’s not one electronic anything on in the house for the rest of the day.”
 
No anger. No lecture. No raised voice, but eminent clarity.
 
These lessons tend to stick (even with kids who don’t pay attention very well).

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