Month: January 2013

Listen Up Moms: Trust Your Judgment

Over the last thirty years, research in education and psychology that is focused on reading disabilities produces one consistent truth—early identification and intervention trumps waiting and acting later.  The title of Dr. Joseph Torgesen’s seminal article on this topic, “Catch Them Before They Fall,” says it all.

Who are the best people to identify problems early? Pediatricians? Psychologists? Neurologists? Teachers?

Nope. The moms.  (OK sometimes dads, but it’s usually the moms.)

In my view, 99 percent of the time when the mom thinks that something is wrong with her child, there is something wrong. It is the rare mom who is mistaken about this.

Yet often when the moms raise the issue of their late-preschool, kindergarten, or first-grade child, they tend to get messages like these:

  “You’re worrying too much.”

  “There are many late bloomers.”

  “You know how boys are.”

  “We really can’t tell what’s going on until third grade.”

Not being professionals in the field, the moms accept these messages and stifle their worries.

But rather than suffering through the agony of waiting until third or fourth grade, so many kids could be identified by early screening and given services, as suggested by Dr. Torgesen. Screenings do not take a lot of time, money, or effort; some fifteen minutes per child can identify those at risk for learning/reading problems at the ages of four, five, and six years. Sadly, these screenings are not occurring in many schools, despite all of the research and clinical knowledge that exists.

A mom recently said to me, “Look. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. I know my kid is struggling. He’s in third grade and I keep getting put off. For what purpose?”

There is no purpose. Why let the fire smolder and build to the point where it is overwhelming? At the first signs of smoke, it’s time to act. It’s not time to panic but to take an effective action, like identifying the child’s stage of reading development and deciding which area you are going to target.

You don’t need to be a psychologist or a reading specialist to know when a child is struggling. On a nightly basis, moms see the effort that goes into getting through a reading assignment or a difficult worksheet. This is something moms get intuitively.


One solution: listen to the moms and take early action. Waiting and seeing what will happen is not an option.

Takeaway Point

Moms, trust your gut, especially with early reading development. If you are concerned, take action if possible. Seek outside help in the form of testing and remedial tutoring if you do not feel that the school is stepping up to the plate. Don’t listen to messages such as, “He will grow out of it.” Rarely does that happen.

(adapted from “School Struggles,” (2012) Sentient Publications by Richard Selznick Ph.D.)

Parent New Year’s Resolutions 2013

The more miles I have logged in working with children and their parents, the less definitive I find myself.  There are few absolutes when dealing with kids and the complexity of variables affecting them.  Variables such as the child’s temperament/personality, the parent’s style, the family’s way of dealing with each other, among a myriad of other factors come into play.

With that said, in no particular order, here are a few parental resolutions for the coming year:

  1.  Try and find alternatives to yelling.  Yelling doesn’t work even though it seems to be the favored tool of modern parenting.
  1. Along with point #1,  when addressing challenging situations with children, try and practice speaking in more matter-of-fact (objective) tones – “Gee, I’m sorry that you chose not to do your homework.  I will explain that to the teacher in this note that I am writing.  You deal with it.” (Presuming the homework was appropriate to the child’s level of ability.)
  1. Create electronic free time zones in the house.  Establish a reading hour where everyone holds an actual book in their hands.  Have cell phones turned in and put in a basket off to the side.  This includes the adults.
  1. Resolve not to go on the school’s grading website (whatever yours is called) daily.  In fact, resolve to only go on it once a week at the most.  This may extremely hard for many parents (moms) to do, as many will go on the school’s website multiple times per day.  You have to go cold turkey.
  1. Avoid Gumby parenting.  No other explanation is needed about this.
  1. Practice being 10% involved with homework and school work.  More than that you may be in too deep.
  1. Watch overusing Time Out.  Overuse of Time Out leads to it becoming ineffective.  Plus, getting put in one’s room may be a great place to escape – from parents!
  1. Resolve not to over-email the teacher.  Limit your emails to perhaps once every other week.  Try and keep the emails simple – not much more than a paragraph at a time.
  1. Keep reminding yourself that with most child issues, “This too shall pass.” 
  1. Keep telling yourself that they (the children) are works in progress on their own timetable.





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