My kid in college is teaching me how to behave. I keep messing up the rules, even though I am trying to be dutiful and behave appropriately.

So I asked him to write a rules manual so I could keep it with me and consult it often.

While he hasnt written the rules manual yet, so far here are the ones that I know that I know I must follow:

  1. Only text me (the college student) once every other day at the most. Any more than that is a serious infraction of the rules. (Didnt you tell me you used to phone home from college one time per week from a pay phone????? So, whats with all this texting?)
  2. Never, ever leave actual verbal messages on voicemail (unless you are being held hostage by kidnappers, and even then really think twice about leaving a message.) Why would I want to listen to a long droning message? It shows up on the cell phone that you called. If I listen to the message, and then call you back, Im hearing the same thing twice! Once is painful enough. You know what some companies have introduced is ringless voicemail, where a pre-recorded audio message is placed in a voicemail inbox without the associated telephone ringing first and you can listen to it when it is convenient.
  3. If, heaven forbid, you friend me on Facebook (and I deign to accept you), never, ever comment on my page. That is a serious rules violation. Better you never go on the page at all.
  4. Buy duct tape. Keep the roll of it in your pocket at all times. Be ready to place the tape over your mouth in the middle of the conversation as soon as I ask you to do so.
  5. If you need to call on the weekend (and really why would you when we probably already spoke the day before), never, ever, call me before 1:30 p.m.. If I sound groggy, dont ask questions; get ready with your duct tape.
  6. Make sure to transfer money into my account to keep me in the black. I mean, Thursday night is always an expensive night. – Parents needn’t fret when it comes to their children’s financial situation as they can help them secure student loans online by checking out SoFi. This company offers students and their parents low-rate loans with flexible repayment plans, meaning that there will be fewer money woes once they are graduated and in the world of work.

Follow these rules closely and you will only be minimally irritating. Break any one of them and you move immediately into the maximally annoying category and will need to be dealt with accordingly.

I am dutifully studying and trying to obey.