When you are in “Child Land,” there are all kinds of theories and explanations as to why children do what they do. More than another generation, the explanations are tied into medical explanations or what I refer to as “disorder thinking.”
This type of thinking is usually revealed in the statements that are made as to what is behind the child acting a certain way.
Let’s listen to some recent statements:
“We don’t understand, we adjusted the Vyvanse, but he is still aggressive with his younger sister.”
“My daughter is refusing to do her work – we thought the Lexipro was working.”
“The school said Michael was very disrespectful and rude this week – maybe his Intuniv needs to be changed.’
“Marla’s so unmotivated. She just wants to do nothing. It must be the medication wearing off.”
“After starting on Concerta, Jack seemed to be playing better with other kids, but now no one seems to want to play with him. Maybe we should try Adderall.”
And the beat goes on.
Things I don’t hear very much:
“I know my kid is manipulating us when he avoids his homework to go play video games.”
“I don’t see her showing empathy with her friends – she can be very insensitive.”
“Maybe the school is not the problem.”
“It’s not ok to say whatever you want in the class, even if you don’t like the work.”
“No one wants to invite Zach to their house or a birthday party; he never shares with the other kids and he has become alienating to them.”
One step it to help kids recognize that choices have built in consequences. (“If I don’t share others will not want to play with me.”)
If we buffer kids continually from these consequences, there will be no reason for them to learn from their mistakes and try a different approach.
Double check your hypotheses and theories.
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